Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
