that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
