fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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