I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
