Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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