Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
