brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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