We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
