You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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