i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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