sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
