you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
