Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
