He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
