Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize