Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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