If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
