Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The power of my boobs compel you
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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