Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
