Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
