You can't motorboat a personality
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
