It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
