I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
