I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
