dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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