Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
