i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His nipple licking is glorious
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