Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
