Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
