these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
