Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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