Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
