is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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