so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
