True but thats because hes a fetus.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
