Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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