It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
