She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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