My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
