Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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