you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
