Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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