Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
