Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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