During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
