If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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