On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
