I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
