Im at strip club and am horny
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We don't watch enough power rangers
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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