I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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