Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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