do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
