I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
