she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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