Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
