I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Drake has all the answers
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
