I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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