Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
