Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
