It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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