Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
