You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dude. I can hear the air.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
