I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
