Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
