YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
