Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
