Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
