Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
