you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't deserve a penis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
