I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize