A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
