i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
