it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize